Most of us grew up believing some version of a fairytale. Maybe it came from movies, storybooks, songs, or the relationships we watched growing up. We were taught that one day we’d meet the right person, sparks would fly, and everything would somehow fall into place. We imagined love as something that would complete us, heal us, and make all the waiting worthwhile. What we weren’t taught was everything that happens after the credits roll.
The fairytale usually ends with two people finding each other. It rarely shows what it takes to build a healthy relationship once the excitement fades. It doesn’t spend much time talking about boundaries, accountability, emotional maturity, or difficult conversations. It skips over healing old wounds, learning how to communicate, and recognizing when love alone isn’t enough. Somewhere between the fantasy and reality, many of us were left trying to navigate relationships with expectations that were never designed for real life.
I spent years chasing a version of love that didn’t actually exist. I thought if the connection was strong enough, the rest would naturally work itself out. I believed the right person would somehow make everything easy. When relationships became difficult, I assumed either I wasn’t trying hard enough or I simply hadn’t found “the one.” Looking back, I realize I wasn’t failing at love—I was measuring real relationships against fictional expectations.
One of the biggest misconceptions the fairytale creates is that true love should feel effortless all the time. While healthy relationships absolutely shouldn’t feel like constant battles, they also aren’t magically free from conflict. Real love requires honesty when it’s uncomfortable. It requires taking responsibility when you’ve made mistakes. It asks both people to grow, adapt, and sometimes have conversations they’d rather avoid. None of those things make a relationship unhealthy. In fact, they often make it stronger.
Another page missing from the fairytale is that compatibility matters just as much as chemistry. Attraction may bring two people together, but shared values, emotional availability, mutual respect, and consistent effort are what allow them to stay connected over time. Butterflies eventually settle. Daily habits remain. A relationship can’t survive forever on excitement if trust, communication, and emotional safety are missing underneath it.
Perhaps the biggest page left out is the one about loving yourself first. Not because self-love makes you perfect or eliminates every insecurity, but because it changes the standards you bring into your relationships. When you know your worth, you’re less likely to confuse breadcrumbs for affection or inconsistency for passion. You stop chasing people who require you to earn what healthy love gives freely. Instead of asking, “How do I get them to choose me?” you begin asking, “Is this relationship worthy of the life I’m trying to build?”
Healing taught me that I didn’t actually want a fairytale. I wanted something far better. I wanted honesty over fantasy. I wanted consistency over grand gestures. I wanted peace instead of emotional plot twists. I realized the relationships I admired most weren’t perfect because they avoided hard seasons. They were strong because both people kept choosing each other through those seasons with respect, humility, and intention.
This shift also changed the way I viewed endings. Fairytales often suggest that if a relationship ends, it wasn’t real love. Real life tells a different story. Sometimes relationships end because two people grow in different directions. Sometimes they end because one person refuses to grow at all. An ending doesn’t erase the love that existed—it simply acknowledges that love wasn’t enough to sustain what the relationship needed.
The woman I’m becoming no longer chases a fairytale written by someone else’s imagination. She’s writing a story rooted in reality. She wants a love built on trust instead of fantasy, communication instead of assumptions, and emotional safety instead of emotional confusion. She understands that the most beautiful relationships aren’t the ones that look perfect from the outside. They’re the ones where two imperfect people keep choosing honesty, growth, and respect over the illusion of perfection.
Tessa’s Take
For years, I thought I was searching for my fairytale. What I was really searching for was peace, consistency, and a relationship where I could be fully myself without constantly questioning where I stood. The fairytale wasn’t wrong—it was just incomplete. The pages that mattered most were the ones I had to write myself.
Disclaimer: This is about growth, not perfection. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Becoming her looks different for everyone.
